Kindness to Parents

BRANCHES OF FAITH

Kindness to Parents (Final Part)

• Aisha RA says regarding Fatima RA (daughter of the prophet) that “If the Prophet (pbuh) entered her home, she would stand for him, take him by the hand, kiss him, and seat him in her place” (Abu Dawud).

• Yet Al-Birr (kindness) is not limited to just kissing the forehead or hands, or even the feet of your parents. Rather, it is to obey them immediately, willingly and happily. It is to do what your parents want before you are even told. Such a child is called البار الموفق and is granted success in all his affairs.

VIRTUES & BENEFITS

• A companion came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice.” He said: “Do you have a mother?” He said: “Yes.” He said: “Then stay with her (and obey her), for Paradise is beneath her feet.” (An-Nasa’i)
• Our Prophet (pbuh) also said:

‎مَنْ سَرَّهُ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ ‏

• Whoever desires an expansion in his sustenance and age, should keep good relations with his kith and kin (Abu Dawud)

O Allah! be merciful to them as they cared for us when we were children

BRANCHES OF FAITH

Kindness to Parents (Part 4)

Birr Al-Waalidayn is a characteristic of the believer (Mu’min). Al-Hasan Al Basri defined it saying, “Al-Birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah (SWT‎). “Uqooq” is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness.”

Ad-Daylami collected from Al-Husayn ibn Ali, that the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “If Allah knew any smaller than ‘uff’ to be disrespectful to parents, He would have decreed it to be Haram!” In Bukhari, a man came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) – seeking permission to go for Jihad. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked him, “Are your parents alive?” He said, “Yes.” He (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Perform Jihad (in you kind treatment) of them.”

If someone came to you today and offered you a free lunch, what would be your response? No doubt you would smile, speak kindly to and of them, and reserve a special place in your heart for their memory. Why is it then that our parents receive only cold stares, harsh words and bitter treatment and they are who they are in our lives? For twenty or thirty years they fed us, clothed us, washed us, and showered their mercy on our soft skin. Their love for us never dies even if we do, love that goes even beyond us, to our children and even their children.

We all have parents – whether they are with us or not – and many have not understood the their grand position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered.

BRANCHES OF FAITH

Kindness to Parents (Part 3)

• The Aayah (17:23) enjoins that after Allah (‎ﷻ)’s right, the greatest of all the human rights is the right of parents. Even saying “Uff” which is the lowest form of expressing discomfort and annoyance is explicitly prohibited! Let alone rebuking, disobeying or disrespecting them.

The prophet (ﷺ) said:

‎“الْعَبْدَ الْمُطِيعَ لِوَالِدَيْهِ، وَالْمُطِيعَ لِرَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ،فِي أَعَلَى عِلِّيِّينَ” (مسند الفردوس، الديلمي)

“The servant of God who is obedient to his parents and also obedient to the lord of the universe is in the highest of highs (in paradise).

• The collective morality of society should make it incumbent on children to be grateful and respectful to their parents and should ensure that parents are continuously served and honoured by them throughout their lives.

BRANCHES OF FAITH

Kindness to Parents (Part 2)

• In in the Qur’an (15:23), Allah (swt) commands the believers to be kind with their parents immediately after commanding them with Tawheed (affirming his oneness).

‎وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوۤا۟ إِلَّاۤ إِیَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَ ٰ⁠لِدَیۡنِ إِحۡسَـٰنًاۚ إِمَّا یَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَاۤ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَاۤ أُفࣲّ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلࣰا كَرِیمࣰا

Your Lord has decreed that you should worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them as much as “uff”, and do not be harsh with them, but speak to them respectfully

Commentary on the above Verse:

When children are young, they take up all their parents’ vigour, health, effort and attention. But children soon forget all this and move ahead with life while neglecting them. This is the natural course of life. Thus parents do not need any encouragement to be kind to their children. It is the children who need to be reminded of their duty towards the generation that has become in need of tender care, after having spent most of its vitality in bringing them up.

• Birr Al-Walidain (Kindness to Parents) is obligatory upon all muslims, even concerning non-believing parents.
• Linguistically, it is derived from the verb Barra which points to truthfulness, righteousness kindness and good conduct.

The prophet (ﷺ) said:

‎الْبِرُّ حُسْنُ الْخُلُقِ* وَالإِثْمُ مَا حَاكَ فِي صَدْرِكَ وَكَرِهْتَ أَنْ يَطَّلِعَ عَلَيْهِ النَّاسُ

The essence of Birr is (manifested in) good morals (Akhlaq) whereas sinful conduct is that which turns in your heart (making you feel uncomfortable) and you dislike that it other people become aware of it.

• Regarding parents and relatives, Birr pertains to obeying their orders (except in the disobedience of Allah ‎ﷻ), and *fulfilling their needs* and requirements. Its opposite is ‘Uquq عُقُوق’, which pertains to disrespect and neglecting/disregarding (their) rights.